RECYCLED THOUGHTS: 21JAN06 (or "confessions of a hypothetical man")
... i want to find a new job. not b/c i hate mine (i do), & not b/c i don't make enough $ (i don't), & not b/c i work too much (i do). this job wears on my conscience.
it seems every decision i make is a compromise, either between my work ethic & my Love for my Family, or between what i ought to do as a Christian & what i am paid to do. my conscience won't let me slide w/ "i'm just doing my job."
if my job forces me to betray my conscience, then isn't my duty to find one that won't? ... i can't stand managing people. it's manipulative by nature, 1st of all. it also pits my people's interest against my employers, & therefore against my own.
... i'd rather not do it @ all. but then i come to The Great Obstacle: what else can i do, & make good enough $?
so i come to yet another conflict, in addition to:
1] work vs. family;
2] conscience vs. job description;
3] enjoyment of career vs. advancement in career.
4] is this:
how can i not keep the job i shouldn't have, when it is in my Family's best (fiscal) interest to do so?
to strike off on a new career @ 28 is to jeapoardize my children's educational opportunities, my Wife's old age, & our immediate standard of "living."
to think that i could be a better husband, father, Christian -- a better man -- if only i had a more suitable career, is folly. i am the man i've chosen to be, through my actions, & through my inaction. to assume that any job can reverse my drift seems ridiculous. and yet...
if only i had more time. more hrs. in the day, to eat well, sleep well, to spend w/my Wife & kids, to study the Bible, to establish a routine, to exercise, to invest in hobbies, to get @ to it, to devote to ministry, to read, write, sing, pray, think, dream...
time is the key. ... what career am i qualified for, that can earn me $40k+/yr., while not taking more than 50hrs of my week?
a better starting point might be: what career am i qualified for?
it seems every decision i make is a compromise, either between my work ethic & my Love for my Family, or between what i ought to do as a Christian & what i am paid to do. my conscience won't let me slide w/ "i'm just doing my job."
if my job forces me to betray my conscience, then isn't my duty to find one that won't? ... i can't stand managing people. it's manipulative by nature, 1st of all. it also pits my people's interest against my employers, & therefore against my own.
... i'd rather not do it @ all. but then i come to The Great Obstacle: what else can i do, & make good enough $?
so i come to yet another conflict, in addition to:
1] work vs. family;
2] conscience vs. job description;
3] enjoyment of career vs. advancement in career.
4] is this:
how can i not keep the job i shouldn't have, when it is in my Family's best (fiscal) interest to do so?
to strike off on a new career @ 28 is to jeapoardize my children's educational opportunities, my Wife's old age, & our immediate standard of "living."
to think that i could be a better husband, father, Christian -- a better man -- if only i had a more suitable career, is folly. i am the man i've chosen to be, through my actions, & through my inaction. to assume that any job can reverse my drift seems ridiculous. and yet...
if only i had more time. more hrs. in the day, to eat well, sleep well, to spend w/my Wife & kids, to study the Bible, to establish a routine, to exercise, to invest in hobbies, to get @ to it, to devote to ministry, to read, write, sing, pray, think, dream...
time is the key. ... what career am i qualified for, that can earn me $40k+/yr., while not taking more than 50hrs of my week?
a better starting point might be: what career am i qualified for?
posted by starbuck at 01:27
10 Comments:
[i should say that i replied to the next post before reading this one. and i don't think my answer should have been as simplistic as it might've sounded.]
i wish i had a miracle response for this one, but these are really tough questions to sort out. i can say that we'll be praying for you & trying to think of some ideas.
i definitely think you're qualified to do a lot of things, especially since you pick up on things so quickly. i think you'd be a great song-writer, but it's a pretty risky market to try to jump into with 3 kids....
one of the most important things you've said here, though, is that a better job won't fix everything, and no one i know feels like they have enough time to do everything they need to, much less the things they want to. so at least you know you're not alone. :)
one last thing is to compare what we have always heard ("find a job you like and everything will work out") to what the Bible says--Adam's curse after the fall was to LABOR all of his days...we can try our best to make the curse bearable, but really only one Person can give us the strength to bear it: "I can do all things through him who gives me strength".
we haven't been promised an easy life, or one without suffering, but we have been promised never to be left alone in our suffering.
“Has not man compulory labor on arth? Are not his days also like the days of a hired man? Like a servant who earnestly desires the shade, and like a hired man who eagerly looks for his wages, so I have been allotted months of futility, and wearisome nights have been appointed to me." (Job, 7:1-3)
exactly. it's not that i'm afraid of hard work; i want it to be good work. useful, something to be proud of. i don't want to have to choose between right, & my job.
thanks, fro, for the insights & the prayers.
wow! i have so much i want to say on this. it's going to take a couple of separate posts to do it in a manner that makes sense. so, first let me say that i am amazed and very excited about the realizations you are experiencing. amazed because most people don't put nearly as much thought into this as you have. excited because i know there are many opportunities for you to find the balance you are searching for.
now, here are my perspectives on your current job and in management/leadership in general.
1) for your own sanity and for the welfare of your family, you need to find a new job. duh! you knew that. my point is - since you know that, you can stop thinking about whether or not to search for a new job and instead focus on the particulars of your next profession. it sounds like you are already doing that, but here are some things you should (in my humble opinion) consider - job satisfaction, medical/dental insurance, retirement plan (401K and/or pension), and of course salary. i suggest you create a matrix of these and any other qualities you think are important, then assign importance values (i.e. 5=very important, 4=somewhat important . . . 1=not very important), then consider possible jobs and fill in matrix and total the columns to see which job would offer you the best balance. i can explain this better later.
2) as to managing people, that can be, but doesn't have to be, a delimma. first, you should consider leading them instead of managing them. this implies that your job will be to help them grow, mature, and excel as people and as employees - not just making sure they do what they are told, which is what managing sometimes becomes.
i don't agree that managing people is "manipulative by nature", but i think a lot of companies tend to take that tact towards employees, especially where young and unskilled labor is concerned.
3) as to changing careers, i think you need to accept that the act of preparing yourself for a new career will be more work that the actual work you will do once you get the new job. i'm sure i didn't say that well, but what i'm getting to is education. if you truly want a career in a field that will allow you to make good money and have a job that will provide medical insurance and a retirement plan, you need to either go to college or get certified in that field.
the federal government and some state governments offer free college to people who are willing to agree to work in specific fields and to work for the government for 3-4 years after graduation. that's one option. another is to look into tuition assistance programs or student loans.
bottom line - there are options, but they all require a serious commitment from you and jenn, and they all take time.
sorry, i know this is a long post. i didn't want to drone on, but these are serious issues and the answers are not simple - good luck and let me know if there is anything i can do to help.
1] matrix idea is great! i've actually used it before, while day-dreaming @ moving to the beach, but hadn't thought of it recently.
2] i agree w/ your take on mgmt. i try to "coach" my employees, rather than just boss 'em around. my boss doesn't really appreciate the merits of that approach, & can make it very difficult to execute. (like yesterday...)
3] i've thought a lot recently @ going back to school. (can you say "back," if you never went in the 1st place?) a friend of ours is going to college for free right now, on the pell grant, which i thought was only available for recent graduates. so that's encouraging, b/c i'm sure i'd qualify for that. the only misgiving i have stems from the 5hr. class i had to endure yesterday, to re-certify for ServSafe. (the rough equivalent of MCSE for restaurant operators.)
i did have plenty of time to sketch possible tattoo designs, though!
barring further education, i think there is one thing i'm well-suited to do, which can bring in plenty of $: i have all the quakities & training necessary to become a drug-dealer. of course, if i tried that & failed, i might sea even less of my family, but only for @ 10-12 yrs., right? there is the whole conscience thing, though...
in all this serious chatter, i had almost forgotten what a wonderful sense of humor you have. a pma (positive mental attitude) can overcome a lot, and can keep us going in even the toughest times.
stay positive and develop a plan to get to where you need to be. i think college should be your #1 goal, but you really need to pick your own goals.
what i'm going to suggest next is radical (at least for our family), and it goes against the very core of your natural tendancies (as a mason) . . .
set deadlines and stick to them! i know, you are thinking, "that's crazy! i'm a born procrastinator, it's what i do best!", but trust me lots of people do this and it seems to work pretty well.
so, using college as an example, here are some sample goals & deadlines:
1. research pell grants - by Feb 15th
2. research student loans - by Feb 30th
3. research online for grants/loans - by Mar 20th
4. apply for loans/grants - March 30th
5. choose a school - by April 30th
6. enroll in college - by Aug 1st
7. complete at least 2 classes - by Dec 31st.
now, the trick is to put the list in a place where you will see it several times a day, i.e. bathroom mirror, on the computer monitor, on the car dash, etc. and you can put it in more than one place.
give it a try and let me know how it works out.
hmmmm...deadlines....i could use some of those right now! i'm going to try this posting multiple copies of the list. because i have one, i just don't see it enough :)
i'm great @ deadlines. why just today, i took 2 telephone quizzes that weren't due to be completed until today! i know that seems like last minute, but i've only had since the 1st. & i finished the 2nd one w/ almost fours hours left in the month!
as for checklists, i have one for home, work, the car, my datebook, & my laptop. the trick is getting them all to have the same things on them...
managing (or leading) people is just. managing people based on numbers is f***ed up. that's why my bosses at o'chückie's fired me so easily, i manage people, not numbers. either one, when properly executed can bring the other one into line. when at all possible work with the people to make the numbers, rather than working the numbers to manipulate the people.
as far as the career is concerned, find something you love or are able to do with good-conscience and self-respect.
if you want to see your kids more, STAY OUT OF RESTAURANTS.
on a separate note, hurry up and find something else so we can both quit sonic.
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