ECCESIASTES 3

think of me every day
hold tight to what i say
then i'll be near to you
even from far away

know that wherever you are
it is never too far
if you think of me
i'll be with you
--junior asparagus

my marriage will soon be officially over. the real stink of it that i'm better off without her. seems strange to say, & i guess it is a strange thing. i concentrate better without her around. how sad for both of us. the fact is, she came between me & GOD. that's not her fault; i put her there. and if she'd never left me, i would probably have never removed her from that pedestal.
seaing the person i thought she was suddenly transform into who she currently is, is a sobering experience. Loving her is harder, now. wanting the best for her is hard, when i sea how much she's benefitting, materially, from leaving me. i don't say these things because i'm angry, though i am.
she needs healing. she will not open up to anyone. not me, ever; not anyone. she refuses to be vulnerable, & misses the best life has to offer.
she wants to limit me to seaing my children once a week. i will never agree to that. anything else, i can stomach. not that. they need me now more than ever, & i will not abandon them to appease her. i saw them yesterday, & already i miss them. i know they miss me, by their words & their actions. i haven't gone a day without speaking to them, & i don't intend to. i cannot let them down now, of all times.