PSALM 94:19

looking around the house
hidden behind the window & the door
looking for signs of life
but there's nobody home

maybe i'm just too sure
maybe i'm just too frightened by the sound of it
pieces of note fall down
but the letter said

it was good living with you
it was good

sitting around the house
watching the sun chase shadows on the floor
looking for signs of life
but there's nobody home

maybe i'll call or write you a letter
maybe we'll sea on the 4th of july
but i'm not to sure
& i'm not too proud to say

it was good living with Yyou
it was good
Yyou were so good
Yyou were so good
--better than ezra

Ywe decorated Yher Christmas tree tonight. that was excruciating, but otherwise, i had a pretty good time w/ Yher & the rugrats. Yshe made pasta for dinner. i had 2nds.
every time i'm over there after sunset, i just keep begging GOD that Yshe'll ask me to stay. i'll sleep on the couch. the floor. the roof. i don't care. just don't send me back here to what used to be Your home.
i hate it here. it's not a home anymore. it's just a shell of what used to be. it's like looking in a mirror. i got a haircut just so i could avoid mirrors as much as possible. because the only thing i hate more than this empty house is knowing what i did to earn it. how much i had to hurt Yher, to make this happen.
i know Yshe's still hurting, & there's nothing i can do for Yher. i can't comfort Yher, & i can't have comfort from Yher. all my friends, you've all been wonderful, & i thank you all for your encouragement, but all i really need is a little comfort from Yher. all i want is to be able to be there for Yher right now, & it kills me that i'm the last person on this earth Yshe'll take comfort from.
GOD help Yus both.