si, se puede

i got home from work today, & there were 4 strangers in my house. i think they're cantonese, 'cause i can't understand a word 3 of them are saying (& as everyone knows, i speak every language but cantonese). the 4th one speaks english, though, so he does all the translating.

"i know we're not invited, but she cleaned all your dishes, she did all the laundry, he's cutting your grass right now, & i was just @ to start dinner. we're doing all the things around the house that you hate to do. we're the backbone of this household, you know."

when i demanded that the intruders evacuate the premises, the translator balked. "you can't make us leave. we're a part of your family now. besides, if you talk your wife into letting us stay, we'll side w/you on all major decisions. oh, & you'll need to add the 4 of us to your insurance policies, also. & don't even think @ calling the cops, or we'll have all our friends & 1/2 the u.s. senate block your driveway, trample your begonias, kick your dog & slander your name. incidentally, we find the term 'uninvited intruders' to be offensive, & demand to be referred to as "unexpected houseguests'."

"and of course you'll need to learn cantonese, & teach it to your kids, because the other 3 aren't planning to ever learn english. why should they? it might dilute their unique culture. you wouldn't want someone's unique culture diluted, now would you? this is America, after all. the Great Diversity Pot, you know."

"also, don't expect us to follow the house rules. we find some of them somewhat racist, to be perfectly frank. others of them are counter to our unique, & therefore valuable, culture. & we can't understand all the rest, b/c they're not in our native tongue. again, it would be in the best interest of your begonias, family pets & reputation, if you did not attempt to enforce these house rules on us."

"oh, & i borrowed your toothbrush. hope you don't mind." then he smiled, & added, "just kidding! i don't really care how you feel @ it."